I have decided (on several occasions of late) that I really need to spend less time feeling sorry for myself.  It is really easy to get mired down in all that you think is wrong with your life.  I know I have a lot to work on and that I shouldn't just decide to be comfortable with my circumstances and never try to better them.  However, it never does you any good to pull up an easy chair in the middle of the pit.  I am continually convicted that the more time I spend wallowing around in all my woes the less time I can do anything for God that amounts to anything.
So this morning after I got done with my quiet time I was reminded once again of my new goal of "quit looking at the poo and find out what you can do!"  Sweet Miss Claire is now 16 months old.  She is sharp as a tack.  Her verbal skills blow her brother's away at comparative ages.  She has been having a language explosion now for about two months.  She "talks" to me all the time, complete with pauses, inflection, and gestures.  I so wish I could understand more of what she is saying.  The scary thing is how much we can understand.  She is a mental wonder to me.  However.... she refuses to walk.  All the boys walked right around their first birthday.  I have no experience with a 16 month old crawler/cruiser.  She walks if you hold her hands and make her, but as soon as you let go she says, "uh oh!" as she slowly sits down.  She is basically refusing to walk even with the physical ability well within her grasp.
This leads to some interesting scenarios I am again unfamiliar with.  I noticed yesterday the cutest little pair of pants she has now have worn out knees.  And then there are the shoes.  Pretty much all of her shoes have these beautifully clean soles.  Then you look at the top of the shoes and you see lots of nice dirt and stains.  She has an adorable pair of those leather slip on shoes.  They are a light purple with light blue trim around the ankles.  On the part that covers the top of the foot there is a little golden haired angel face complete with halo and wings.  Her poor little cherub-like face is stained with dirt, like she has been living on the streets her whole life.  As Claire crawls around she drags the top of her little feet which mars up the top of her cute little shoes.
As much as I want to drag my feet and crawl from exhaustion, it just leads to damaging the good.  I am not spectacular, important, or influential in any way.  I am not well known.  I do, however, have a family, and I can start with that.  I have kids to raise and a husband to be a wife for.  I can't do them any good if I am stuck in self pity or always weighed down with where I fall short.  The boys actually get really mad at me if I say anything negative about myself in their presence.  Of course I can't very well teach them that Jesus covers all our wrongs and shortcomings with His death on the cross if I don't accept that for myself.
It's OK to identify where you fall short and want to work on that.  Just don't refuse to walk.  You'll mess up your pretty shoes.