OH! We are here....a year later...

Hey all. It's been a busy week, and I haven't posted since last Friday. Here comes a boring, sort of housekeeping post. Gotta keep you all up to date on the reality show quality of my life. ;o)
So, it's been just over a year since we moved back to Kansas from Tennessee. Last summer we started a remodel/renovate/rehab project on the house my grandmother had been living in. It's been in the family since the early 1870's. Well. We're still going on the project. In all fairness we did not start in earnest until last January. Between budget, time, and logistics of 140 year old houses, it's taken a bit longer than we thought.
Nothing about the house itself is plumb, straight, square, or level. We have done all those things to elements in the house, and there are quite a few tricks that get played on the eyes now. It's a fun house of sorts, we like to think.
My sweet grandmother moves into my dad's house next week. We are still here. It is a three bedroom, one bathroom house. Grandma needs peace, I have three boys. Grandma likes to know what's going on. Who here knows what's going on?
Anyway, this is an adventure for sure. Our goal is to get into that house as soon as we can. Well, that's been the goal all along, we now just have new urgency. We are waiting for a car to sell the get the funds to finish. We have not taken any loans to do this, just worked when the money was there.
Once we get in I will post some pics. I can't even tell you how excited I am to get my own space again. Mulit-generational living has been.... interesting. Especially for this long.
I think Frank and Lizzie would approve. Grandma loves it, but, bless her heart, I don't think she remembers it before. Sigh.
OK all. That is it for the boring catch up post. I'll try to do something fun tomorrow. More fun that laying laminate floor - which is my job for today.

Wonder...

Check out gypsy mama. It's Friday again. :o)


Today's post brought to you by the word: wonder. Five minutes of hemorrhaging at the keyboard begins, now...


I wonder at the wonder in my children. It changes as they grow older. I wonder what I was like when I wondered like that.


"See the moon, Claire??"
"It's in the sky!!" She smiles.
"Yes, it's in the sky!" I smile at her smiling.
"I want to catch it!!" She holds her little arms up high, towards the moon, miles away.
When did I stop reaching? Do I wonder so much that I stop reaching, or do I not wonder enough?


Walk with any toddler outside for a few minutes, and you will see there is so much more to the world that you remembered.
Isn't a sense of wonder related to hope? If there are good things to wonder about, surely there is hope to accompany that. 


Is He sad when His children don't wonder at what He has placed on this earth, in their hearts?


True wonder leads to action. Learn more, discover more, reach out more. I bet that moon isn't as far away as it seems. Little one, she told me so. :o)

I'm re-posting - for the first time. I was changing a few settings on my Facebook account, and went back to read my notes. It was cool to read this one. Especially now that we are over two years out from Chris' chemo. Hindsight is an amazing tool to see what God has done. Even if you don't know where you are going, it does you good to see where you have come from. 
~Charity




December 31st, 2009
Yes, it is the last day of the year. Only because we will start 2010 tomorrow. However, I don't really have anything significant attatched to January 1st. Most New Years come and go for me without much hoorah. I am going to mark a new year next spring. The end of Chris' chemo. Then I feel like I can maybe make a new start.
A lot has happened to the Fontaine family in 2009. Here is a rundown:
~We found out we were expecting child # 4 - unexpectedly.
~We found out Chris has cancer.
~We went through a grueling process to find out what kind of cancer Chris had, and then what needed to be done to treat it.
~We found out baby #4 was a girl!! Finally!!! :o)
~Chris started chemo in May.
~We began to see the body of Christ in action in a way we never dreamed could happen.
~We found out I was having pre-term labor, and needed to "take it easy." Sure, no problem.
~We realized how help was always close at hand.
~We put our house up for sale. It was rough. We loved where we lived. It sold in two months.
~We had to move. I hated it.
~We had to move. We had almost more help than we needed! Got it done in less than a day.
~We had a benefit concert for our family. Crazy huge. Crazy successful. God is big.
~We saw help, support, and friendships increase.
~Sweet baby Claire arrived!!!!!!!!
~I found out I am really weak.
~I found out I am amazingly strong.
~I realized I was strongest when I told God I was weak, and gave Him control.
~I gained a new respect for single parents. I know I don't want to be one.
~I had to learn what "in sickness and in health" meant. For real.
~We are learning to live below where we want to be in a lot of ways. They say this builds character. I think you have to work at it. I don't belive it is default mode during crisis.
~Last September I admitted to a group of women a fear I had. I found out that fear would not come true. I am closer to God, and He is closer to me.
~Every day is an unknown. It was that way before, but it just slaps me upside the head now.
~God hasn't changed through any of it. 

We Could All Use a Little Awe on a Tuesday...

When do we loose our sense of wonder? Are we so old, at these young ages, that we just walk by magic? Does He dip His fingers in the colors of Genesis still, and we miss the majesty? 

It's OK to be a toddler at heart. Wonder, marvel, see.

After the storm it's here that I see it.

"Come look at these clouds."

He doesn't have to do this for us.

With unskilled hands I try to preserve the memory.

My heart is awed, and this is love.

Dear Lizzie... (15)

Dear Lizzie,
Last week I hung a tire swing on the tree outside the shop. I am assuming you have no idea what this is. I suppose that during the brief part of your life that cars were around, that there weren't many spare tires available. We have them in abundance now, and making swings out of them has been popular for decades.
Silas, my third born, rides with glee. The muscles in his brown back ripple, but it's soft and smooth, betraying his tender age.
Work has stalled on the house for now. We plan to start soon in earnest, once we get some things accomplished.
The place has this timeless sense of old peace about it - back in the dappled shadows and hidden recesses. I am eager to spend early summer mornings there.
Stop by any time. I'll make tea, and we can chat.

Yours Truly,
Charity

Five Minute Friday : home

I'm linking with gypsy mama today. Five Minute Friday time. Today's word is "home."




Home. See, I don't really have one, but I have many. I have sold two physical homes that I really loved. I have rented places that didn't seem like home even though they housed my family and held our stuff.

I used to think Kansas was the only home I would ever have, but now Nashville is just as much a home. We are working on a 140 year old home to move in to, but I don't know when it will be done. For now I am in my parent's home. It felt like home when I was a kid, but now it's different.

It's weird not to have a place of your own. But I still feel at home when I am with friends I love. It's home when I can walk it, and sit down, and relax. When I feel welcome. When I know my kids are loved. That's home.

With a home of my own on the horizon, I am thinking about how I want home to look again. It's been so long since the six of us had a home, our own place and our own borders. Sometimes I wonder if I will remember what that's like.

Home. I might just feel a bit like a gypsy for awhile. I don't feel quite grounded yet. I think with my soul as restless as it is, it may take finding ways to experience peace.

The bits of home I have are that more precious because of the home I have had to give up.

The Dirt on Us

I feel like I am going a bit against the grain. I am probably unconventional. And... I like the mom it's making me. With firstborn I was terrified of germs and things that bite. Now I tell them to run towards things that bite, and, well, my kids are dirty. A lot. But we are living. There is this one life we have, and its days go by too fast and there is too much to do and see.

I see moms at the zoo who never let their toddlers out of the stroller, and I am sad for the tied down curiosity dying to be free. I realize that when little Princess sits to "play in the dirt" in the petting zoo, that the sand is half goat pooh. Fantastic thing about skin? It washes! No, I don't let her brother tell her it's black beans, but, go on little lady, pet the goat, pick up the sand, feel, smell, learn!

My boys are such boys! How do you squash the boy in a boy? It crushes them. So, they come to me smeared in mulberries, caked in dirt, after peeing on trees. Can you get such a belly laugh from a clean boy who has been told to play nice?

We snake hunt, play in the mud, build tire swings, wrestle turtles, frogs, and toads, try exotic foods, get bug bites, and experience what the world has to offer. We aren't afraid to get dirty and be who we are.

Public bathrooms and hospital germs still scare me. I reserve the right to be inconsistently odd about microbes. 

OH, and thank goodness for that chlorine in the pool. Otherwise, the boys' feet might not ever get clean this summer...  ;o)

5 Minute Fridays: backwards

It was fun last Friday, so I'll give it a go again. Linking up with gypsy mama to write for five minutes about ~ backwards.
Start time...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who wants to go backwards? Well I do, a lot. Mostly I want to stop time, but I realize I can't. I hate to let go and hate for things that are good to change. We just got done with a road trip to Nashville again. I miss those people so much.
I love summer. I hate for it to end. I can't stop the progression, and I wish I could go back and repeat it.
Kids grow up. I miss tiny toes and toddler talk. I start to forget details, and I just want to go back and relive some moments.
The problem with going backwards? You can't see where you are going. Even if you have your destination locked, your eyes are still forward.
The unknown, the potential pain - these make me dread the future. But everything I have ever loved has been the future at some point.
Stuck in reverse will hold me back from what has the potential to be some great memories, and will keep me from meeting some really great people.
I think what is better, is to hold the memories tightly, but carry them forward. I'm blessed to have them, but don't want to limit myself from having more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Beware of Skunk

It was early in the day, and I was snake hunting with the boys. Lizzie, the crazy black lab we now own (long story), is with us. She is around a year old, and has too much energy for her own good. She has too much energy for our own good.

She lopes off into some tall grass, and hunter at heart, finds something. Earlier on our jog, I thought I smelled mustilid. Did she corner a skunk? She won't come when I call, so we cringe and wait for the inevitable.

What's this? No spray? I tell the boys to get ready to bolt, and slowly creep over to where the dog is emitting a low, rumbling growl.

Careful, careful, small careful steps.

OH.

Really???

Seriously?!?!?!

The skunk was a turtle. Our Lizzie had protected us from a ravenous, child consuming, sucked-up-in-it's-shell turtle.

Well, the boys had their fun with the turtle. And we learned that when shelled reptiles are running a muck, our dog has our backs.

Lizzie and her catch

Levi, never stops loving animal catches

Noah, cool man in charge

Booger's turn with the turtle

Princess, just awake, gets a chance to get up close and personal

Lesson learned. Don't always expect the skunk. Sometimes trouble is hidden in a shell, more afraid of you, than you are of it.

Five Minutes About Every Day...

Today for the first time I am linking with gypsy mama to try my hand at Five Minute Fridays. Todays topic is, "Every Day."







Deep breath, here goes:


Every day I twist my body off the bed and put my feet to the floor. I have the previous days challenges and stresses right at hand usually. My thoughts are on God, getting my work out done, and how soon the kids will wake up. 

Every day I have high hopes for getting it right and overcoming the bad, the done wrong. Every day I hope I make God happy more and sad less.


Every day I want to love my kids better, be a better wife, and be productive and useful.


But, every day the doubt, guilt, and frustration take their toll and have their hand at pasting me down.


This life, this existence, it's an every day battle to believe The Book more and the deceiver less. Each day we can live like we believe gospel happened, and not just for a few, but for us!


Every day there is a song in my soul. The sounds, rhythm, strains, and volume changes. Sometimes my soul weeps, sometimes it sings, sometimes it whispers.


And every day I know that God, in His grace, might give me another chance to breath the air of the earth and try again...


And done.