Second To None

A few months after deciding it was time for another child, surprise! I was wrangling a toddler while you grew in my womb. I felt more ready, it wasn’t my first time. I named you Noah because it means “peaceful.” Mommy is now smirking, my dear. You were two weeks overdue, content in your warm little universe. But once things got started you nearly rocketed into air and light. My second son and I was thrilled.

A month after your birth I was in the hospital in septic shock, a mere day away from the intensive care unit. A retained piece of placenta would have taken my life without modern medicine. Maybe I should have realized then that I wouldn’t be getting a lot of peace from my time with you. 

You struggle with being second in line and stuck in the middle. You are overcome with the urge to push boundaries and test rules. I am weary by the end of the day, quite often, in a desperate attempt to parent you with firmness and love. We are a lot alike, so sometimes we rub each other the wrong way.

I see through all that though. You love to please and take pride in doing so. You are a crazy hard worker - I am always amazed at how much you can accomplish without giving up. I have trusted you with your sister because you have proven yourself responsible. You helped me with her when dad was sick, and I would have never made without you some days. She isn’t the only young one you have worked your magic on - you are good with every baby I have ever seen you with. You show your peace in these moments.

I take comfort in your loyalty. I know you want to do better, and you know I want to do better. You are solid for me, and I think we have some great times ahead.

I love you tons, my boy who thinks he is man and my equal. You are going to be the best dad, husband, and provider some day. For now, I know you really wish you could just climb into my lap. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. 

I love you , Noah