Claire. My Princess. How I longed for you. I had these three wild boys, and I thought my baby days were over. I had dreams of adopting a Chinese baby girl. I never really thought I would birth a girl of my own.
I was in a bit of denial that another child might be in the works. Times were a bit rough, and I was job hunting and submitting my resume.
I told your dad that it was probably nothing, but things were running late, and maybe we should check on nature a bit later in the week.
Really? Now? After trying to (but not wanting to) prevent this? Fear and hope surged in tandem. It was the worst timing. Looking back, we see it was the perfect timing.
I held off getting a new job till we made sure you were doing OK. After what happened with your brother I was a little spooked. Little did I know what was to come.
It the thick of morning (all day) sickness we realized things were not OK with your daddy. Pain, blood, overwhelming nausea, followed by symptoms of infection - we had to see what was going on. After the longest journey of our lives we found out he had cancer. We were told he would barely live to see your first tender months at one point. I nearly collapsed.
Well, all of that turmoil is for another time, my dear. This is about you. We ushered you in, with gentle prodding, a week before your due date. We needed your daddy to be there and not in the hospital himself. He was there, along with your three brothers and grandma Kathy. I had to fight big brothers for you at one point. They have protected you and loved you from day one, and it was hard to tell who was more proud that day.
You were the good medicine dad needed while he fought for his life. You were soft and pink and gentle. You were easy for him to hold, and you gave him new purpose. Such a beautiful girl! How did you come from us? We took great pleasure in the stares and gasps we got walking down Vanderbilt halls when the nurses would see you. They would come five or six at a time, and open the door and say, “We just wanted to show them your sweet baby girl.” We just smiled, knowingly, and for a few seconds forgot why we were there.
You are my bud, my best girlfriend. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. You are so smart and quick witted. I love how you talk on the phone and learn ten new words a day. You laugh at your own jokes and keep your brothers in line. I get to put you in dresses and hair bows one day, and play clothes for dirt the next. You are just as comfortable holding a doll, or fawning over a baby kitten, as you are riding the tractor and playing trucks with your brothers.
You love to be outside and don’t think it crazy at all that we go look for snakes on purpose. You love shoes, and get excited at a new pair. You already know how to turn on the charm with your daddy. I fear he has no hope. You love one of my all time favorite movies, The Wizard of Oz. You can sit and watch the whole thing through, singing along and marveling at Dorothy. Born in Tennessee, but to a Kansas mama. It was bound to happen.
I am smitten with you, but refuse to let you be too much of a diva. You know you can’t pull that screaming pout on me. I’ll sit you on the stairs and give you a mama look. You look back, in full understanding, but don’t back down in fear because you know I love you.
At times I can hardly comprehend the differences in this little female after three rough and tumble boys. I wasn’t sure I would know what to do with you. You teach me each day, however, and I am happy to go on this journey with you.
Sweet, beautiful Claire. God has been so good. He gave you to me at the last second, before it was too late to have anymore children. You slipped in under the wire and have changed our lives in the best way.
Your laugh, your squeals, your eyes that are copies of mine. I love you so much.
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