I haven't dipped my toes in the water here for over a month. It was the first of July when I last hit "publish." July was hot, dry, busy, exhausting, and left me frazzled. We did a month long push to get the house to a move in state. My dad's mother moved in, so we needed to get out. Nine people in a three bedroom, one bathroom house just doesn't work for too long. The temps were in the triple digits. The days were long and the nights were short. I felt like I was in a desert - literally and spiritually. It was just as hard, if not harder, for me spiritually and emotionally as it was to do all the physical labor. I just wanted rain and relief - but it just wouldn't come. There seems to be a lack of direction and answers in this household. It is wearing on us, and I feel thin. Nothing over the last year has gone the way I viewed it, though not all surprises were negative. We now have a very comfortable house to set up camp. All six of us are together. We have privacy, the ability to be a family unit, a place to call our own. I get to unpack boxes and rediscover my stuff. Though there is a lot of work yet to get accomplished, we have hit a place where the pace can settle a bit. 

It has rained a bit since we started sleeping here. Real rain from the sky, and unexpected gifts too. The direction I (we) lack - it still nags met. Chris and I both need jobs, and neither of us really know where to look. God in heaven, He knows, He sees. I am not worried that He might be confused about what we need. And this lack of resources we have, see, it hasn't left us homeless, hungry, or unclothed. Many can't say that.

So, we are starting over again. It's the next chapter in Fontaine family life. We are walking into it, like most of our chapters, without really knowing where we are going. But, the music has stopped for a bit, and I have a chair to sit it. I have a place to stack my rocks, and God is still good.

It has been another transition. Wouldnt' we all expect it? That we are tackling it together, as a family, I am very thankful. As always, I appreciate all of you that find this, and travel a bit of the road with me.

I can do 5 minutes today... "Welcome!"

Check out gypsy mama for rules. :o)
Writing today about the word - "Welcome."


Here we go, 10:27 pm...


Welcome!
Welcome to my house!
Welcome to my life!
Welcome. I'm more than you bargained for. ;o) Life is kinda crazy and I have four crazy kids, and my husband is crazy but thinks the other five of us are the most crazy. We are crazy loud, and he is crazy quiet.
Welcome! Come on in. We will love you for who you are. Kick your shoes off and have a seat. It's OK if your kid pees on my floor or doesn't like the snacks I have. You are welcome to stay. 
Welcome to a friendship with me. I would love to hear your secrets, but not to share. I just want to pray for you.
Welcome, sweet little children to my arms. Mommy loves you tons. :o)
Welcome, these hard times. You allow God to make me stronger. I learn the most from you.
Welcome, hot summer breeze. I hated being so cold. Now I am dried out like a piece of jerky, but I revel in it.
Welcome, sweet sleep. When I can get it!!
Are you enjoying this so far? You're welcome!! ;o)
Welcome, Holy Spirit. Please enter me each day and make me less of me in my me-ness and more of who Jesus wants me to be.
Welcome to all my new friends who stop by in the next few days to read this. It's just such an honor to have you here, and do a bit of life with you.


It's 10:32. Do you know where your "welcome" is?

OH! We are here....a year later...

Hey all. It's been a busy week, and I haven't posted since last Friday. Here comes a boring, sort of housekeeping post. Gotta keep you all up to date on the reality show quality of my life. ;o)
So, it's been just over a year since we moved back to Kansas from Tennessee. Last summer we started a remodel/renovate/rehab project on the house my grandmother had been living in. It's been in the family since the early 1870's. Well. We're still going on the project. In all fairness we did not start in earnest until last January. Between budget, time, and logistics of 140 year old houses, it's taken a bit longer than we thought.
Nothing about the house itself is plumb, straight, square, or level. We have done all those things to elements in the house, and there are quite a few tricks that get played on the eyes now. It's a fun house of sorts, we like to think.
My sweet grandmother moves into my dad's house next week. We are still here. It is a three bedroom, one bathroom house. Grandma needs peace, I have three boys. Grandma likes to know what's going on. Who here knows what's going on?
Anyway, this is an adventure for sure. Our goal is to get into that house as soon as we can. Well, that's been the goal all along, we now just have new urgency. We are waiting for a car to sell the get the funds to finish. We have not taken any loans to do this, just worked when the money was there.
Once we get in I will post some pics. I can't even tell you how excited I am to get my own space again. Mulit-generational living has been.... interesting. Especially for this long.
I think Frank and Lizzie would approve. Grandma loves it, but, bless her heart, I don't think she remembers it before. Sigh.
OK all. That is it for the boring catch up post. I'll try to do something fun tomorrow. More fun that laying laminate floor - which is my job for today.

Wonder...

Check out gypsy mama. It's Friday again. :o)


Today's post brought to you by the word: wonder. Five minutes of hemorrhaging at the keyboard begins, now...


I wonder at the wonder in my children. It changes as they grow older. I wonder what I was like when I wondered like that.


"See the moon, Claire??"
"It's in the sky!!" She smiles.
"Yes, it's in the sky!" I smile at her smiling.
"I want to catch it!!" She holds her little arms up high, towards the moon, miles away.
When did I stop reaching? Do I wonder so much that I stop reaching, or do I not wonder enough?


Walk with any toddler outside for a few minutes, and you will see there is so much more to the world that you remembered.
Isn't a sense of wonder related to hope? If there are good things to wonder about, surely there is hope to accompany that. 


Is He sad when His children don't wonder at what He has placed on this earth, in their hearts?


True wonder leads to action. Learn more, discover more, reach out more. I bet that moon isn't as far away as it seems. Little one, she told me so. :o)

I'm re-posting - for the first time. I was changing a few settings on my Facebook account, and went back to read my notes. It was cool to read this one. Especially now that we are over two years out from Chris' chemo. Hindsight is an amazing tool to see what God has done. Even if you don't know where you are going, it does you good to see where you have come from. 
~Charity




December 31st, 2009
Yes, it is the last day of the year. Only because we will start 2010 tomorrow. However, I don't really have anything significant attatched to January 1st. Most New Years come and go for me without much hoorah. I am going to mark a new year next spring. The end of Chris' chemo. Then I feel like I can maybe make a new start.
A lot has happened to the Fontaine family in 2009. Here is a rundown:
~We found out we were expecting child # 4 - unexpectedly.
~We found out Chris has cancer.
~We went through a grueling process to find out what kind of cancer Chris had, and then what needed to be done to treat it.
~We found out baby #4 was a girl!! Finally!!! :o)
~Chris started chemo in May.
~We began to see the body of Christ in action in a way we never dreamed could happen.
~We found out I was having pre-term labor, and needed to "take it easy." Sure, no problem.
~We realized how help was always close at hand.
~We put our house up for sale. It was rough. We loved where we lived. It sold in two months.
~We had to move. I hated it.
~We had to move. We had almost more help than we needed! Got it done in less than a day.
~We had a benefit concert for our family. Crazy huge. Crazy successful. God is big.
~We saw help, support, and friendships increase.
~Sweet baby Claire arrived!!!!!!!!
~I found out I am really weak.
~I found out I am amazingly strong.
~I realized I was strongest when I told God I was weak, and gave Him control.
~I gained a new respect for single parents. I know I don't want to be one.
~I had to learn what "in sickness and in health" meant. For real.
~We are learning to live below where we want to be in a lot of ways. They say this builds character. I think you have to work at it. I don't belive it is default mode during crisis.
~Last September I admitted to a group of women a fear I had. I found out that fear would not come true. I am closer to God, and He is closer to me.
~Every day is an unknown. It was that way before, but it just slaps me upside the head now.
~God hasn't changed through any of it. 

We Could All Use a Little Awe on a Tuesday...

When do we loose our sense of wonder? Are we so old, at these young ages, that we just walk by magic? Does He dip His fingers in the colors of Genesis still, and we miss the majesty? 

It's OK to be a toddler at heart. Wonder, marvel, see.

After the storm it's here that I see it.

"Come look at these clouds."

He doesn't have to do this for us.

With unskilled hands I try to preserve the memory.

My heart is awed, and this is love.

Dear Lizzie... (15)

Dear Lizzie,
Last week I hung a tire swing on the tree outside the shop. I am assuming you have no idea what this is. I suppose that during the brief part of your life that cars were around, that there weren't many spare tires available. We have them in abundance now, and making swings out of them has been popular for decades.
Silas, my third born, rides with glee. The muscles in his brown back ripple, but it's soft and smooth, betraying his tender age.
Work has stalled on the house for now. We plan to start soon in earnest, once we get some things accomplished.
The place has this timeless sense of old peace about it - back in the dappled shadows and hidden recesses. I am eager to spend early summer mornings there.
Stop by any time. I'll make tea, and we can chat.

Yours Truly,
Charity